Monday, April 13, 2009


I have to say I don't feel much like blogging....and I don't know when I will again. I feel like a failure. The Beta was negative. I know I did everything I could but I still feel like a failure! Was there something more I could have done? Why didn't the embies like my womb? I can't stop crying. I just want to curl up in a ball and disappear. I haven't smoked since I can't remember when and I have to say I had a cigarette tonight. I am so hurt that this didn't work and I feel like I have let my friends down (H and G) I've put them through another disappointment, and these feelings bring me back to my first thought. Failure, I am a failure, that's how I feel and I'm not sure when this feeling will end.


  1. R-
    I am SO sorry, but you have to remember, YOU are not a failure!! IVF is a total crap shoot. As long as you followed the dr.'s directions (which I know you did) the rest is not up to you or R or H, unfortunately.
    The worst thing you can do is beat yourself up for it. I know a failed cycle is hard and it's terribly disappointing, but we heal, we dust ourselves off and we try again. If you remember that when one conceives naturally you never know how many times an embryo didn't take, with IVF we know every time. Not all embryos become babies-for anyone.

    I know R&H are thankful that you are even willing to try to help them and it sounds like they've been through enough cycles to understand that it doesn't always work right away-and no one really knows why.

    If you need anything please send me an e-mail.
    I'll be thinking of you!

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  3. Please know that I am thinking of you and totally thankful for you. You are doing something very amazing for your IP's and I am really so sorry that it didn't work this time. But it will. Sending you big healing hugs.

  4. Hey R-We are sorry too, sorry that you have tried to help us and done so much to make it happen and yet have to endure the pain of this.
    Cyn is right though, nobody gets pg everytime there is an embryo, we just have way too much knowledge when we do this process...
    As we said yesterday, we are so grateful for all you have done for us...
    That won't ever change. Go easy...xoxoxooxH.

  5. R - I'm so sorry that things did not work out for you all. Please do not blame yourself...I used to think that getting pregnant was a sure thing with unprotected sex and if not, than the miracle of modern medicine would fix it all but we forget that there is still a lot that we don't understand about conception. What I do know is that you gave H&R a better shot at their dreams by agreeing to help them out and that is such a precious gift in itself, regardless of outcome. Don't be so hard on yourself. Hugs.

  6. R- I am so sorry that this cycle did not work. You are doing a great thing by helping your friends and this is not your fault. It is easy to feel like a failure (I have felt like one many times in this process), but you are not. You are an amazing person whose desire to help others is like a shining light for us all to live by.

    Please take time for yourself right now. We are here and ready to support you when you come back.

  7. I'm so sorry it didn't work out. I read over the comments already given and not sure what more I can add, they are all right, so right. IVF is a crap shoot, there is no exact science, if there was IF would be cured for good. Unfortunately, some work, others don't, and sometimes there is absolutely no rhyme or reason, it just is. It's not your fault, if you followed all the right steps and took all your meds, what more can you expect? Don't beat yourself up okay...take a breather and then dust yourself off and begin again!

  8. I am so sorry for just seeing this now...
    Sounds like we have a lot in common, huh!

    YOU are NOT a failure - Trust me - say that over and over again..this is NOT your fault!

    We are here if you need us....