Friday, February 27, 2009

Honest Scrap...I've been tagged

Okay so I've been tagged. So here are ten random/honest things about me.

1. I am adopted...was adopted the day before my 4th birthday, and I love my parents (all of them)

2. When I was growing up I always wanted to be a Dr. ( specifically a surgeon) But then life took other turns and I became a professional Baker instead.

3. My Mom was killed in a car accident when I was 15 years old and I've pretty much been on my own since then. I was estranged from the rest of my family from when my mom died until about five years ago.

4. Two years ago I weighed 252 lbs. June 2007 242 Lbs. June 2008 225 Lbs. September 2008 222Lbs. Now (feb. 2009) 189 Lbs.thats almost 64 lbs that I've lost.(woot woot)

5. I'm secretly jealous of all you IF and IVF's because alltho you've all had lots of heartache and heartbreak, you all seem to have loving supporting Husbands...where as my Prince charmless spent the last five years of our marriage constantly putting me down and he secretly had a girlfriend on the side for 3 years (we are now divorced) My biggest wish is to have someone Love me and hold me when I cry.

6. Number five was really hard for me to admit.

7. There are nights when I fall asleep wondering if I will EVER find Mr. Right.

8. I recently went back to college and every year/semester I've made the Deans list but now in my final semester I'm wondering if I'll even pass and that scares me.

9. I am afraid of failure but, I am also secretly afraid of sucess.

10. My greatest joy in life comes from helping others.

Now I'm supposed to "tag" 7 other people but, honestly I wouldn't know who to tagg. Most others that I follow have already been tagged and I don't like double tagging sooo, if you want to do this go ahead...if you havn't already been tagged don't take it personnally, don't worry not being tagged does not mean your not liked/loved.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Sane, Sane, Sane, Sane, Sane!

Ok so...the powers that be say I'm Sane (woot, woot) Of course after reading this post you may not agree but thats alright. So the Dr's visit went well. You say Dr's appointment I say most action I've had in a while lol. So I talked with the psycologist (briefly) Then went upstairs for : Ultrasound, vaginal ultrasound, one on one with Dr, Full Physical, Breast check, pap, cultures, another one on one with Dr, a "team" meet with Dr, followed with bloods. Was a very intensive and full procedure (wow what you gals and guys go through). So we start, was up this morning at 5:00am taking my first prenatal pill.

On another note. I've been taking the time to read alot of other peoples stories and its come to my attention something I inadvertently did. I've notice that a few of you have issues over fertiles using the word "blessed", which I myself have used in the past. Please let me say that I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I as a loose lipped fertile never realized or thought about what my using that word may mean or do to others. I have never felt or believed that I was more "blessed" or better than or above anyone else in my life time. I have been extremely lucky in the child department and I want all of you IF and IVF's to know that I am sorry if at anytime I personally made you feel as though I thought I was more deserving or better then you Because I don't and I'm sorry. I don't think that "God" has stuck his finger out of Heaven and said you, you, and you, can have children and you, you, and you can't. I think its unfortunate and sad when wanting to be/deserving to be parents are unable to have babies because everyone of you deserve it as much as I. On another note may I tell you that my beautiful Mom who I love to pieces was and has always been infertile. My sister and I were lucky enough to have that wonderful women adopt us when we were young toddlers. I am now just realizing the amount of heartache involved in anyones fertility struggle and I'd like you all to know that your in my prayers and my heart and I'm hoping you all end up with the BFP whether it be with you, your surrogate or through adoption.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Am I "sane" enough?

Okay so tomorrow is the BIG day....Am I sane enough.

I'm sitting here working myself up over the prospective questions that I may be asked tomorrow. The IM sent me a link to a questionnaire that a surrogacy agency in the states asks their potential surrogates. Some of the questions on there are daunting to say the least. I feel like alot of the questions that they ask are completely not relevent to my situation but they have definately left me wondering: am I sane enough? I know that I have "God" on my side and that the IP's know everything about me and my past...I have absolutely no secrets and they want me to be their gestational carrier, however I keep thinking what if the powers that be decided that I am not "qualified" enough? Its alot to think about what if I'm responsible for the parents not getting their baby. I would feel so bad. I guess I just have to let go and let God. I know that I am meant to do this and nothing would bring me greater joy than helping them bring home baby. Maybe I just need to stress less and stop worring. It is what it is and I believe I'm sane. As do the IP's as far as I know. I mean they wouldn't be even considering this if they didn't believe I'm sane enough would they? Anyways I just thought I would keep you all up to date on what's going through my mind at this stage. Please keep us in your prayers.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Opperation Joyfulness

Good Morning R here. So today is the start of our "Operation Joyfulness" Was talking on the phone with H yesterday and she explained to me "operation happiness" and we decided that today I would embark on this journey/operation. Now I changed the name to "Operation Joyfullness" because, it wasn't that long ago that one of my friends sent me a loose translation of "Happyness" steming from the word "happenstance" or as my friend explained, caused by a happening. Now its been my experience that lots of things "happen" and not all of them cause happyness so I did not want to base my inner joy on a simple happining. Still with me? Good. So for me its "operation joyfullness" which means that I seek truth and inner joy in all that I do from here on out. Will start my day with prayer and meditation followed by breakfast and a phone call to H.

So my first blog (yesterday) I may have shared to much info on me not enough on them I don't know what I do know is that, it is what it is and I wrote what I wrote. I am new at this.

Oh yeah by the way I (R) am prospective GS and H is IM and G is IF got it? Good. Hope your not to confused by now. Will keep you updated as I go.

Please keep us all in your prayers so that the powers that be may find me "sane" on Friday.


Hi R here...please bear with me as this is the first time I've "blogged" and my typeing/spelling skills are not the greatest.
SO I've had this overwhelming feeling that my God thinks I should share my/this/our story.

First a little background about me. I first got pregnant in 1992 while on the pill and useing condoms...I ended up miscarrying but I knew that I was fertile. In 1993 I was in a life altering car accident and while recovering from that in 1994 I was told that I may never be able to have kids, but I had a sister that told me "don't worry, if you need me to I would surrogate for you"
Well it turns out the Dr.'s were wrong and I gave birth to a handsome boy in 1997 and a beautiful girl in 1999. At that point in my life I knew I was blessed twice and that if I ever were to meet someone later in life who was not as fortunate as me in the fertility department, that I would like to be able to help them.
Enter H...the year 2008
At this point in my life I find myself a part of a group that brings in "keynote" speakers on a weekly basis. In the spring of 2008 I find myself in the position of having to find the speakers so....My speaker of the night had, had to cancel and in her place she sent H. From the moment I met H, I knew I had a connection with her and wanted to get to know her better, so I asked for her phone number and set a date to get together for coffee. Fast forward a few months and H and I had struck up a friendship. All the while I had no idea about her fertility struggles (and why would I?) So there comes a day that I'm on my way to meet H for a chat and some I have no explaination for what happend to me next the only way I can explain it is "God" On my way to meet H, I had a feeling come over me that she may be struggleing with fertility this was quickly followed with the thought that I could possibly help her...followed by the thought that I should offer myself as a surrogate. ( I know weird eh) So as scared as I was and as foolish as I felt when I met up with H I acted on my inner feelings and let H know what I was thinking/feeling. So fastforward a few months and I find myself at the here and now. Feb. 16, 2009.
Well H talk to G and then talked to me and here I am. H and G took me out to lunch on the 15th and we will all be going to our first "appointment" on Friday the 20th basically to find out if we're "sane" enough, or should I say to see if I'm sane enough. So please keep us in your prayers and pray that I "pass" because if I do than I may be on my way to helping them bring their baby (babies) into the world. I will keep you updated. Oh and before I forget if you want to know more about H and G then please please please checkout H's "blog"